Baby Bound

I've always known that I wanted to be a mother. I have loved my son long before he was conceived, long before I was ready for him, and long before I could imagine his tiny body, moving inside of me, reminding me of all of the love we share.

I knew he was a boy days after I found out I was pregnant. I remember being in the bath one night, staring at my pre-pregnancy stomach, imagining it bulging with life, and thinking about the strange tiny heart beat inside of me. At the moment I felt more connected to the tiny peanut. I don't know how I knew, or why I was so sure, but "the blueberry" became "him" and I couldn't stop accidentally using the pronoun.

When the ultra sound tech showed us his parts she asked if we had any guesses. You would have to be blind not to know what you were looking at. Kyle started jumping up and down, tears streaming down his face. I started crying also and simply said, "I knew it!" The tech just looked at us both and said, "It's a boy!" Duh.

Immediately Kyle and I started to imagine his life. The moment he is born, his first steps, his first words, kindergarten, his first love, graduating high school, college, and of course his all star career as a quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. (Kyle may have said something about the Miami Dolphins, but I stopped listening.)

Next came his name. There was a time that we liked the name Luke. When I started to suspect he was a boy, we decided that the name Luke didn't fit and we no longer liked it. So, we had to come up with a new name.

We bought a baby name book and searched, over and over again, not happy with anything we were finding. Then, just like that, Kyle read one name, and we both stopped talking for a moment. The name sounded right. We both repeated it. After saying it over and over again, and referring to him now as [insert secret name here] rather than him, the name became glue. We have decided not to tell anyone his name. It's our secret, our choice alone, and we don't want anyone disapproving -or even approving- for that matter. One thing we have realized, everyone has an opinion and this is one opinion that should be reserved only for us.

With only four months left until his big arrival, we are getting very anxious. There is so much planning to do and so much to look forward to. Until that time, I will enjoy ever kick, every punch, every twist, every turn, and every jab in the ribs. I love being pregnant so much.